The New Fad Diet

By now, everyone has heard of the grapefruit diet, the tapeworm diet the ice cream diet and many others, but these fad diets don't change the root of the problem! which is, you have an unhealthy relationship with food, now we aren't a bunch of dr's or anything, so we won't try to fix it, what we will do is change it! 

That's right, we'll give you a new unhealthy relationship with food, that doesn't involve restrictions or requirements, just revulsion 

Some people are more guilt driven (but we don't go with the 'you're fat because you ate that' no we go for the 'you inhuman beast, how could you hurt such sweet innocent creatures?')

for instance, how could you digest the friends and family of poor S'mortomer here?

or break up this sweet little family?

The Nestle Morsel family; Scottie, Semi-Sweetie, L'll Bits, and cousin Milky 

Others will be deterred by pity

Would you allow your gluttony to destroy the chance for all to become

One Smart Cookie

The rest will be turned by simple fear!!

Just remember, under that plain silver wrapper this may be lurking!

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Bon Appetit!

Blessed Are Those...

 "Blessed are those who have one hand held by God, and the other held by a friend"

 for those hands can wield neither a glue gun nor puff paint, and their children's toys shall remain unmolested.

As Seen On TV In The 80's

I'd like to thank you all for tuning in today, we've got an amazing offer for you here at the TATTS headquarters, but only if you call in the next 30 minutes  (operators are standing by)

First of all, I'd like you to take a look right here, it's Presto's all new ....

Salad Shooter, that's right, this professional little device right here will provide all of the vegetable carnage you could ever need, (destroy a small family of carrots? done, take out a whole field of cabbage? can you say coleslaw?) no vegetable stands a chance with this bad boy

but wait!
if you order now, you will also get this compact and convenient

Bagel Slicer!! this space age device  only uses twice the counter space of a standard toaster,  will fit under most cabinets and will perfectly cut one bagel at a time, no electricity required

now how much would you expect to pay for these two time saving devices?

we could charge you $500 for these and still go to sleep at night, 

but we wont, 

we wont charge you $400, 

$300, 

or even $200 

with our special offer today we're only asking +199.99 (plus taxes and shipping and handling) in seven easy payments of 29.99

But WAIT!!! 

I have one more thing for you lovely folks at home, if you mention the code word "vorpal" to our operators we will include at no extra charge the ingenious

Rotato. Oh, the beauty and elegance. Why spend 45+seconds to peel a potato with a standard peeler, when you can pull this tool out of the cupboard set it all up, disassemble it to wash and put it away, 

clearly this is "the fastest way to peel anything."

BUT WAIT!!

if you order now we'll pay your first month's payment of 29.99

Operators are standing by.

Arts and Crafts Porch Light

I find that there are few things I can hope to specifically find at the thrift store, One thing I never would have expected was a nearly perfect replacement for this tired and worn out porch light

My wife and I went to Lowes to pick out a light (The one linked is approx) the cost was prohibitive so we were going to wait till we could afford it, imagine our surprise a few months later, to find this lying dangerously on the ground, for only $8! 

(we also had to buy the wood support behind it to put it up, but YAY! a really stylish replacement light (father in law is an electrician) for only $13 total

My Wife's 80's Childhood

Hi, this is Mr. Onederful, I usually write the posts here, but sometimes my wife (Mrs. Onederful) is able to help out, so here is her past, through the thrift store filter:

When I was a kid, Cabbage Patch kids were HUGE! 

So huge that grown-ups were getting them and introducing them as their own children! I remember birthday parties for them.

Anyway, I could never get one. I saw friends getting them for their birthday and I would covet like nobody's business. 

So, when I saw one of these under my best friend's Christmas tree (I didn't know what they were) she said they were pets for Cabbage Patch Kids, I had to have one!

 

I didn't get one of these either. 

I finally got a CPK... when I was 11, really too old to have one. 

Oh well...

Up next, the Human Bean...we had a few of these in various forms around my house for a while when I was young. My mom loved them. She would often use their little slogans (written like tattoos on their nekked little bodies) as her personal slogans.

   

 It was weird sometimes.

As a kid of the 80's, I also coveted Care Bears.

 Once again I could not have one until I was too old.

My mom bought it for me at the grocery store.

My parents did try to make it up to me by making a Care Bear. I wanted Cheer Bear (the one on the left is the original version) but what I got (since it was my birthday) was a hand-made Birthday Bear in Cheer Bear colors (the one on the right). Now, you may ask yourself (or me),"How on Earth are these two bears similar?!" You see, my Teddy (aka bear on the right) has received nothing but my undying love for nearly 30 years now. The bear on the left (aka the real Cheer Bear Care Bear) is the bear I never had. 

No... That doesn't really explain how they are alike, but that's all I got.

And of course, you can't have lived in the 80's without mention of Olivia Newton-John. I thought she was "totally tubular!" 

 

When her song (and badly done video) "Let's Get Physical" came out, I knew all the words and moves. When my parents caught me reenacting the video to the song on the radio, they asked if I knew what the song was about. "Sure I do," I said, "she's doing one of those Jazzercize videos like the ones on early morning tv! ...duh!"

Ah, youth.

This is Mr. Onederful again; please share your memories of yesteryear in the comments. Stay tuned next week for "Boardgames of My Past..."

Boohbah

OK so whenever my 2 year old kid gets a scrape, or a bruise (imaginary or not) he says:

" kiss boohbah " 

of course I know he means " kiss the booboo' " 

But all I can think of when he says it are these freaky little demons from hell,

my brother-in-law once said "I just know that the flap of fur around their heads is masking rows of razor sharp teeth"

need more proof that these guys are scarey?

Vested Interest

All my life I have been fascinated by the ambitions of the once humble vest, a clothing item originally worn by the meekest of people as only a place to keep their watches

 It  slowly became a clothing item of it's own, not merely part of a suit, but a rugged being, full of presence!!

 

(when I was taking a photo of this, a 50 something beer bellied T-shirt tucked into his belt-less slacks walked up, asked me if I was buying it [I answered no] grabbed it and asked the cashier how much it cost [9.99 really] than bought it)

 now unafraid, it became the trademark of many boisterous characters

 

(I could swear, my sister used to own this vest)

 and finally it has risen to become not just a clothing item, but a walking art form

 

Thank you for reading, and please send in your pictures of awesomely bad thrift store finds

"The best use for a unicorn's horn...

is to adorn a unicorn." -author unknown

Congratulations to my friend and mentor JRose (who has given me pointers on how to get this blog thing going) on becoming a blog of note! Your Cheeseblarg is a wonderful place to unwind at the end of the day, since there is a general dearth of llama merchandise at the thrift store, I felt this lesson on unicorns would be apropos ~



 A brief lesson on understanding the gentle unicorn~

 (Taken from --Le Bestiaire Divin de Guillaume, Clerc de Normandic--(of the thirteenth century))

"The unicorn has but one horn in the middle of its forehead."

(Hi, good to meet you!)

 

"It is the only animal that ventures to attack the elephant; and so sharp is the nail of its foot, that with one blew it can rip the belly of that beast."

 

More muscles than Barry Bonds, (when he was taking steroids allegedly)

"Hunters can catch the unicorn only by placing a young virgin in its haunts. No sooner does he see the damsel..."

well she's "like a virgin" anyway

   "than he runs towards her, and lies 

down at her feet,"  

Hey there gorgeous

 Umm, How could you not lay down all the time, if your feet come out of your neck?

  

"and so suffers himself to be captured by the hunters."

Enough Teapots to Furnish a House

 

For some reason, people (somewhere) seem to have a fascination with recreating every aspect of their lives in teapot form. Perhaps it's the imagery of the familiar for example:

what's more inviting than a bright cottage?

 what's more comforting than a nice big easy chair, cat and blanket on your lap?

 or more soothing than a beautiful piano, delicately played? 

 

 and how  could anything be better

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than a nice hot cuppa' laundry water?

ponder that and please let me know in the comments!

Nike Max Air

I have a terrible time finding shoes that come in my size, I have an even harder time finding shoes that I like in my size, so I keep an eye out everywhere, even if I don't really need new shoes, recently I found a pair of "Nike Air Max" shoes at the local Salvation Army, lo-and-behold, they were size 14, I had my kid in tow and so I couldn't try them on without needing to clean half the store afterwards, but I figured, if somehow they didn't fit, I could hopefully sell them for at least the $6 they cost, so I bought them, and they didn't fit, I put them up on E-bay and . . .

with shipping, I made about $57 (shipping cost about $10) 

oh and it was a bogo, I also got these sweet Vans for my kid, 

Awesome!

Keep looking, there are some great deals out there.

A Correction/ My 80's Childhood

A public apology...  I'm sorry to everyone out there who loves clowns, I let someone else write the blog yesterday, and as you can see they have a vendetta,  I love clowns so much I actually am one! Here's a really good photo of me!

source

(naahh I'm just kidding, but doesn't this guy look creepy, I'd hate to be in a room alone with him *shudder*)

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

 When I was growing up my siblings and I were super into "Muppet Babies"

Somehow as children we felt the need to identify with specific characters, so my brother was Kermit, my sister was Miss Piggy and I was Fozzy. (which is funny because now i can hardly stand him, but I guess they never make Rowlf stuff, which is a pitty)

 Probably because my mother worked at a pizza place before I was born, we didn't seem to have it very much, (or maybe it was because as a kid having pizza every other day wouldn't seem like very much) anyway, when we did, it was always awesome, even if it was gross...

I think we may have gotten Domino's once or twice, but we always wanted to go there because of the commercials of the Noid

 

we used to rent NES games all the time, and it was a subject of deep sadness that we could never find this game:

(Sorry it's the shortest clip I could find)

And Finally... when I was 3 or 4 years old this was my favorite TV show hands down.  I desperately wanted a Teddy Ruxpin of my very own, but of course, with the original MSRP of $70and being child #4 it wasn't in the cards for me. I could have had thus set for less than $10, but I think I'm finally over the need for a toy that functions with a cassette tape...
 

About that actually,  my wife's sister (who is much older than her) bought this set for her  when said sister hit the big-time. 

At some point my wife lost the only cassette tape she had for Teddy, but she still wanted to use him, so she put in MC Hammer's "2Legit." 

Sadly the mouth only kept time with the beat and not the words.

Thanks for reading, and we'll have more about her 80's childhood next week